Things you learn at Youth Group

I love kids. I do. Back in high school I was the girl who would rather earn some $$$ on the weekends by babysitting than go booze it up with all the other kids out in a pasture in the middle of nowhere.

I had this red “Hello Kitty” book bag that I would ceremoniously pack each time for each child. I knew that Allyn liked to color so I would throw in a special color book for her. I knew Grant had a special book of mine he liked to read stories out of…so I would pack that. I knew Trent and his baby sister liked the little barnyard finger puppets I had. Babysitting for me was a great way for me to earn some money doing something I was already good at…entertaining kids.

Who’d of thought that 15 years later I’d be doing it again?

For the past four months I’ve been filling in at my church as the interim Youth Director. I say…youth director because I am by no means a youth Minister. I feel totally inadequate leading these kids down the path of Christian salvation. I am certainly not a nun, nor am I a biblical scholar…and I’ve always thought the best part of being Methodist is the fact that having beer in the fridge has never been frowned upon.

So for the past several months I’ve been forging ahead and planning interesting Sunday evening activities that will not only interest the kids but also entertain them. Because, let’s face it, when you’re 14-years-old you pretty much don’t do anything that is deemed boring. Oddly enough, our little youth group is comprised mostly of boys. Yes. 14-year-old, 8th grade boys.

All I can say is that it is a blessing that I had younger brothers. Because, quite simply, any woman who has never been around boys would have been running for the hills with their hair on fire by now.

The greatest part of having brothers and watching them (and their friends) go through Jr High, High School, and then finally Fraternity life…is that there is very little I haven’t seen, heard, or smelled. It’s a challenge to gross me out or shock me. So I’m in good shape.

Last night, however, I experienced something I’ve never experienced before.

Last night, Sunday night, I took the youth group to the State Fair for our September outing. I had four boys and the only girl who ever comes to youth brought 2 of her friends. Well…the boys…who we’ll call Greg, Steven, Frank, and John (names are changed to protect the not so innocent)…were all in my car and the girls were riding with Frank’s mother.

Apparently, the fun game to play when you’re a 14-year-old boy is to yell “PENIS!!!” at every car and/or person you pass by. The object, I can only assume, is to see how many people you can get to look at you in surprise or disgust. At youth, I have two rules: #1 don’t cuss and/or swear at youth; #2 don’t belittle anyone in youth.

Now since yelling “PENIS!!!” with gusto out the window at passing cars doesn’t fall into one of those two rules I didn’t necessarily feel the need to rein that in. So I let them do it.

On our way back from the Fair about 8pm we were stopped at a major intersection close to my home. We were idling in front of a Shell station while waiting for the light to turn green when all of a sudden the boys decided to play their game.

Much to my horror…and their complete astonishment…the man they yelled at proceeded to approach our car. He was saying something vulgar while walking towards the car…and UNZIPPING his pants!!!!

Seeing the whole thing in what felt like slow motion…I reached for the windows “UP” button and the power locks. Then…like those people stranded on that little electrical island in Jaws II watching the shark circle…we watched helplessly while the man came closer and closer. There was no where we could go. I was trapped at a red light between a truck in front of me…and Frank’s mom behind me.

Luckily, Frank’s mom saw what was happening and began honking her horn like a mad woman to frighten the man away. Startled by the attention he was now garnering our assailant paused just long enough for us to move on through the green light and out of harm’s way.

I was mortified. The boys…well…they thought it was the “awsomest thing that’s ever happened!!!” I got to spend this morning emailing all the parents I didn’t see last night giving them the “heads up” in case any of their children start suffering from PTSD after seeing some homeless man’s wears.

At least it has supplied me with a great Monday morning story!