Trapper True

Last Saturday I woke up early...about 6am…because Addie was outside barking her guts out. After feeding her and calming her down it was virtually impossible for me to go back to sleep so I decided to lay in bed for an hour and read my book.

Side note: Upon my sister in law’s insistence I picked up “The Shack”. I’m almost done with it and have thoroughly enjoyed it. It’s a very spiritual book and I can see where people would either love it or hate it. I find myself nodding in agreement and crying throughout…but I digress.

So after reading my book I decided to get up and fix myself a “good breakfast”. I was thoroughly looking forward to a couple of poached eggs and toast to start my Fall Over-Haul day-o-cleaning.

I bounced into the kitchen and began preparing the eggs. Then I reached for the bread bag. Now I realize that most people keep their bread in the refrigerator…but I have issues with cold bread. So normally I will put half the loaf in the freezer and keep the other half out to use. Well…I learned why people keep their bread in the refrigerator.

As I pulled out the top piece of bread I noticed something wrong with the next piece. The last four pieces of bread in the bag were completely hollow! I’m totally serious! My first thought was…”OH MY GOD…my bread is diseased!!!” Then I thought…”Maybe there was a big air bubble during the baking and this is what happened!” Then I started to examine the bag and found a perfectly chewed little hole in the bottom of the bag…just large enough for a little vermin friend to get in and out of.

That was when the ugly truth hit me…There is a MOUSE in my house!

So after doing the gross-out dance in my kitchen…I grabbed my keys and did something I loathe doing. I went to Wal-Mart.

I HATE Wal-Mart and avoid it like the plague. I have successfully spent an entire year boycotting Wal-Mart and succeeded in not giving that monstrosity any of my hard earned money until Saturday. So I went in and purchased ONLY the things I needed…Power Steering fluid and mouse traps.

So I trotted home, traps in hand, and patiently awaited sun down so that I might set my traps and lay in wait for the lovely sound of “CLAP!!!” The sound of death.

Just before going to bed Saturday night I set my little traps all over the kitchen. On the floor. On the counter. Behind the refrigerator. By the oven. There were very few places that didn’t have a trap. Then I added the bait…little morsels of bread.

I woke up early Sunday morning with a giddiness usually reserved for Christmas morning. Like a four-year-old in footie pajamas…I crept into the kitchen and inspected each trap. BLAST! Each and every trap I had so meticulously baited and placed…were empty. No mouse. No bread. The little bugger had managed to get each morsel of bread off the trap without tripping a single one.

It was then that I realized I was facing a more sophisticated adversary. It was no mindless vermin I was up against…but rather more like Stewart Little or Ratatouille.

So I changed my game plan. I re-routed my traps and tried various other baits. Still to no avail. Until last night.

Last night I made spaghetti for dinner and with the little bits that inevitably fall out of the bag and onto the counter or floor I re-baited my traps. I thought…”What the heck? Maybe the dried pasta will work.”

So this morning, with my enthusiasm waning, I trepidatiously walked into the kitchen to scope out the traps. When low-and-behold…there it was!!! My pitiful prize! Up on the counter, between the sugar container and doggie treat tin, was my little unwelcomed house guest.

I hooped and hollered and sang “We are the Champions” whilst doing the happy dance in my kitchen. To see the spectacle you would think I’d just shot my first 16 point deer or something.

Nevertheless, in a year full of personal defeats…I will take small victories where I can get them.

Then I searched all over the house for some pliers so I could inspect and dispose of my nemesis without actually having to touch it or the trap. It was kind of sad, really, he was a pretty little mouse. Kind of sable colored with a white tummy. He probably would have looked very cute in a cedar chip covered cage or in some sort of Disney movie…just not in my home eating my bread.

Lessons learned:
1. Mice are smarter than you think.
2. In an older home that is mere yards away from a restaurant…put your bread in the

refrigerator if not in an air tight container.
3. Mice like dry spaghetti.
4. Mouse traps that tout “No Bait Necessary! Just simply set out these scented traps and

mice will run to them!” are bollocks! They do too need bait.