So I got an email today from a friend of mine who's been dating a woman for a few weeks now. He was slightly disgruntled by the fact that he just finally had to "break things off". After what started out as slightly less than "hot and heavy" he began to feel a chill in the air...and it wasn't the usual December chill.
His new amore had turned chilly and disinterested. I assured him that the "holidays" are a challenging time for anyone to start a new romance. Even the most seasoned dating pro or debonair gentleman would find navigating the waters of the holiday season a hostile trial. There are just simply too many questions to answer:
Do I buy him/her a gift? Or will that seem to forward?
Can I invite him/her to my office "couples" party or will that seem to eager?
Is it too much of a commitment to ask he/she to go out on New Years eve? Does that send the message that I'm expecting us to be together in the new year?
Case in point. Tis much better to begin a new romance at an obscure time of year...say...March 11. There is not a "couples" holiday within months...thus navigating the world of dating becomes much less challenging and much more fun.
I also suggested to my friend that he direct said lady to my Blog about "Dating as a Business Affair". His aggravation came when he felt he was being "put off" and not dealt with in a mature manner. Yes...looking at dating as a business deal does take a certain amount of detachment...but in the beginning is that so wrong? I think not. In some cases it might even work to ones benefit. It is a practice that has been long in place for women. We play distracted and detached (no matter how wound up and neurotic we are about a gentleman) and it makes the man feel as though he is the pursuer. Though in today's age I'm not so sure that is working any longer...since after a certain age a lady doesn't feel the need to play the games any longer and would truly rather not waste the time. But I digress...
If more splendidly single folks of our generation would look at dating and dare I say it...marriage...as more of a business deal, I predict there would be less hard feelings and fewer divorces. We expect too much out of love and romance. I'd like to say it's our movies and television today that has done it...but alas it goes all the way back to ancient Greece and even later, Mr. Shakespeare. We've been doomed for quite some time now.
Would you do a multi-million dollar 60 year business deal with someone you knew nothing about? NO! You would research their financial status. Probably run a background and credit check on them to make sure they have never declared bankruptcy or been in jail. You would also check their references and make sure they don't have any family members in the clink for embezzlement. Many times you would want them to have a health check done to make sure they aren't going to die of a major heart attack one year into your business venture.
But, yet, we as humans will do none of that when putting our very financial and personal health on the line for romance. Seems a little unbalanced does it not?
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Friday, February 09, 2007
Business Deal #2
Guy #2 came through the same resource as "Shorty". So after a couple of weeks of unwilling, on Monday I had lunch with Guy #2. He works for one university but is a fan of another (both in-state rivals) and did not attend either so we'll call him Mr. Confused from here on out. At least Mr. Confused was normal sized. He was about 5' 8" reddishdish balding hair. Nice guy. Nervous. Not overly funny or entertaining. I would probably go out with him one more time but that would probably be it. Not that I'm looking for 4th of July or anything, but a sparklers worth of humor would be nice. Ya know?
Business Outcome: Honesty rating was good. Not overly charismatic. Didn't have the "H3" that I'm looking to buy in stock but had other things with good characteristics. Worth a second look.
Here's what I can say about this specific online dating resource. At least it's not a catalogue "order-a-date" like so many of the others are. You really have no control at all over who comes out of their system as a good match to you. The quality of the people seems slightly better. They've all been gainfully employed so far and haven't busted any white boy-blue grass moves or told me all about ALL of their sexual conquests. Am I going to find the love of my life doing this? Doubtful. But at least it's getting me back into the pool and getting some practice.
Business Outcome: Honesty rating was good. Not overly charismatic. Didn't have the "H3" that I'm looking to buy in stock but had other things with good characteristics. Worth a second look.
Here's what I can say about this specific online dating resource. At least it's not a catalogue "order-a-date" like so many of the others are. You really have no control at all over who comes out of their system as a good match to you. The quality of the people seems slightly better. They've all been gainfully employed so far and haven't busted any white boy-blue grass moves or told me all about ALL of their sexual conquests. Am I going to find the love of my life doing this? Doubtful. But at least it's getting me back into the pool and getting some practice.
Business Deal #1
Guy#1 came to me through an on-line resource that boasts it's "29 measures of compatibility".
Sunday afternoon I met Guy #1, who we’ll call Shorty from here on out, for coffee. For some reason, even though I listed “height” as being incredibly important, they keep sending me men that are my height 5’6” and above. Well Shorty says he’s 5’ 6” so I’m expecting someone my height. And of course I wore flat shoes. I got to Starbucks early because I needed some coffee and gift cards. So I’m just sitting there drinking my coffee and reading my book when this VERY small man comes in and sits down without getting his coffee. He looks a little familiar so I wait a few minutes and keep reading my book with one eye on him. After a few minutes I decide that this must be him. So I say hello and it is indeed him.
Now when I say this was a little person…I mean this is the smallest man I’ve EVER seen that wasn’t a “little person”. Ya know? Dude had to be 5’ 3” and possibly weighed 125 soaking wet. So of course I now feel like an Amazon woman and all my mothers comments from Christmas come pouring in. SO…because I’m so good at establishing instant rapport with strangers we sit and chat. I have my coffee…he has water and a scone.
SO we’re just chatting about our weeks and work and families etc. When he busts out with the fact that he just finished paying off his house. He paid off a 30 year mortgage in 5 years. And I’m sitting there thinking…”wow that’s really admirable. I DO want a nice responsible man.” I’m thinking that UNTIL he busts out with how he had saved EVERY cent since he was a little kid for his house and how when he goes out to eat he always gets the 99 cent burger and water because he “doesn’t need all that other stuff and a penny saved is a penny earned”. So of course at that point my CHEAP-ASS Alert is going off like mad.
Then he bursts into how he used to be a very pessimistic angry person until he “found the lord” and how he is always out doing things with friends because he doesn’t like to be home alone because it causes him to do bad things.
Uhhh…yeah…I’m pretty sure your mind is exactly where mine was at that moment. About that time was when I said…”Oh geez! I forgot that I’ve got a lasagna in the oven that I’m supposed to take to a Super Bowl party tonight! It was nice to meet you.” And then I got up and left. Well, much to my demise, my short exit did not dissuade him. He emailed me this week to say how much fun he had and how he’d like to get together again. I think I need to stop being so friendly and nice.
Business outcome: "Shorty" did not come to the table with the honest facts. I am looking to buy an H3...and he tried to slip a Ford Fiesta by me. Shame on him! I'm not blind and certainly don't like feeling like someone is trying to dupe me.
Deal #1 done. I won't be returning to that "dealership".
Sunday afternoon I met Guy #1, who we’ll call Shorty from here on out, for coffee. For some reason, even though I listed “height” as being incredibly important, they keep sending me men that are my height 5’6” and above. Well Shorty says he’s 5’ 6” so I’m expecting someone my height. And of course I wore flat shoes. I got to Starbucks early because I needed some coffee and gift cards. So I’m just sitting there drinking my coffee and reading my book when this VERY small man comes in and sits down without getting his coffee. He looks a little familiar so I wait a few minutes and keep reading my book with one eye on him. After a few minutes I decide that this must be him. So I say hello and it is indeed him.
Now when I say this was a little person…I mean this is the smallest man I’ve EVER seen that wasn’t a “little person”. Ya know? Dude had to be 5’ 3” and possibly weighed 125 soaking wet. So of course I now feel like an Amazon woman and all my mothers comments from Christmas come pouring in. SO…because I’m so good at establishing instant rapport with strangers we sit and chat. I have my coffee…he has water and a scone.
SO we’re just chatting about our weeks and work and families etc. When he busts out with the fact that he just finished paying off his house. He paid off a 30 year mortgage in 5 years. And I’m sitting there thinking…”wow that’s really admirable. I DO want a nice responsible man.” I’m thinking that UNTIL he busts out with how he had saved EVERY cent since he was a little kid for his house and how when he goes out to eat he always gets the 99 cent burger and water because he “doesn’t need all that other stuff and a penny saved is a penny earned”. So of course at that point my CHEAP-ASS Alert is going off like mad.
Then he bursts into how he used to be a very pessimistic angry person until he “found the lord” and how he is always out doing things with friends because he doesn’t like to be home alone because it causes him to do bad things.
Uhhh…yeah…I’m pretty sure your mind is exactly where mine was at that moment. About that time was when I said…”Oh geez! I forgot that I’ve got a lasagna in the oven that I’m supposed to take to a Super Bowl party tonight! It was nice to meet you.” And then I got up and left. Well, much to my demise, my short exit did not dissuade him. He emailed me this week to say how much fun he had and how he’d like to get together again. I think I need to stop being so friendly and nice.
Business outcome: "Shorty" did not come to the table with the honest facts. I am looking to buy an H3...and he tried to slip a Ford Fiesta by me. Shame on him! I'm not blind and certainly don't like feeling like someone is trying to dupe me.
Deal #1 done. I won't be returning to that "dealership".
Business Deals
A very helpful friend once told me that people should view dating as a business deal. That, in that vain, people would come together and be very up-front and honest from the beginning. And if each was selling what the other was prepared to buy and the negotiables were minimal then so much the better. A match/deal made in heaven.
However, if one party is selling something that the other party just isn't interested in...then no hard feelings. Nothing personal. Each party can walk away with their egos and self-esteem intact and with very little time/energy/money wasted on what might have wound up being buyers remorse.
That being said...I have decided to strike out into the dating pond again (after a 2 year hiatus). However, this time I come armed with a business plan, budget, and goals. No more good person/bad person inertia. Just like Bob Sugar said in "Jerry Maguire"..."It's not show-friends. It's show business." I am preparing for this round as if I was after a masters degree. Research. Research. Research. I am prepared to use every resource at my disposal. Friends. Family. Online matching engines. Total strangers. You name it...I'm up to the task! Rome wasn't built in a day you know! And finding an adequate gentleman in today's age is just as monumental a task.
So bring it on world! I'm prepared.
However, if one party is selling something that the other party just isn't interested in...then no hard feelings. Nothing personal. Each party can walk away with their egos and self-esteem intact and with very little time/energy/money wasted on what might have wound up being buyers remorse.
That being said...I have decided to strike out into the dating pond again (after a 2 year hiatus). However, this time I come armed with a business plan, budget, and goals. No more good person/bad person inertia. Just like Bob Sugar said in "Jerry Maguire"..."It's not show-friends. It's show business." I am preparing for this round as if I was after a masters degree. Research. Research. Research. I am prepared to use every resource at my disposal. Friends. Family. Online matching engines. Total strangers. You name it...I'm up to the task! Rome wasn't built in a day you know! And finding an adequate gentleman in today's age is just as monumental a task.
So bring it on world! I'm prepared.
